thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
