i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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