just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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