Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
