I didn't shave. On purpose
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
