I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
