Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize