we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
