Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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