Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
