I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
