The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
