Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
