Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
