Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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