Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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