That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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