I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just cropdusted the office
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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