please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize