soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
