You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize