we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
