i barfeds in our rink
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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