why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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