I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
