Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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