My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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