Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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