Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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