hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
