WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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