So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
