accomplished twins. life is a go
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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