girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
