hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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