I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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