Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
