I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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