I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
