I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
