sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
