How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
