You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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