I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
