my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
