Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
