I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
