is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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