She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
