There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Randomize
