She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
