this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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