Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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