I am in a vortex of obligation.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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