I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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