4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
