then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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