I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
