he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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