Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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