im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
