I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
