***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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