respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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