As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
false alarm. still invincible.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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