i just wanna soil my oats bro
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
