bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
