i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
