I smell stomach acid.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
