i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
